Gloria Allred assigns the tabloids another story about breasts

gloria-allred-assigns-tabloids-another-story-about-breasts
Today's tabloids, May 22, 2012. ()
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Each day, the New York tabloids vie to sell readers at the newsstands on outrageous headlines, dramatic photography, and, occasionally, great reporting. Who is today's winner?

Daily News: Gloria Allred is in the news!

If you don't know who she is, may I refer you to this moment in November 2011 in the Herman Cain presidential campaign, brought to you by Allred?

Or this Village Voice cover story about a woman who was fired from Citibank? That was Debralee Lorenzana, who tells the News today that Allred stinks:

Lorenzana, a buxom beauty who was axed from her job at Citigroup in 2010, said she fought the bank by herself in arbitration after Allred dropped her as a client.

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“If I could turn back time, I would have not chosen Gloria Allred as my lawyer,” she said.

... “The only times I saw her (Allred) was when the media was there,” she said.

The media is here again today, including the Daily News, running with the story of Allred-approved Lauren Odes, a 29-year-old who says she was fired from her job at a Midtown lingerie wholesaler because her breasts are too large. They are certainly large. The doe-eyed bleach-blonde gets the cover, with a mysterious blue and yellow box (mysterious because, why those colors?) behind her head that reads "SO HOT, SHE WAS FIRED" and "Now it's a rack war!" which seems to be a pun on "Iraq war."

Odes' left knee tips into the type on the "main news" story, which confuses things. "FOUL FARE HIKE" reads the three-line wood. "Taxi rides going up 20%." Everyone actually interviewed by Pete Donohue for the article seems to back the fare increase, except one taxi driver who thinks it will eat into his tips.

Related: Travolta masseurs' lawyer sues Allred for "client interference," and she countersues for defamation.

New York Post: "RACK AND RUIN," from the redundant-for-emphasis phrase popular among 16th century sermonizers from Martin Luther onward, is much better. "I was fired over my big breasts" is the over-explanatory dek. Here's betting that this case, like most Allred cases, will be something that goes into arbitration once the successful media campaign has scared Odes' employers into making a deal.

I don't mean to be cynical. Women must have an outlet for seeking justice in employment-discrimination cases. But the automatic circus that is created when Allred takes a camera-ready case are not exemplars of the form.

Observations: I won't mention the two sports touts along the left side of the Post front. They don't distract from the main attraction, and they don't add anything, so they are just of no account. Whereas the front page of the News, with its misdirection about the taxi story, is confusing. "Foul fair hike" is basically illustrated with a photo of the large-breasted plaintiff. All in all, it looks like a front page guest-edited by the people who make fake tabloid fronts for "Law & Order." Then again, since both papers were guest-edited by Allred today, we were not to expect much.

Winner: New York Post.