It's definitely GAT WALK and FAT TALK for me, today
Today's tabloids, April 6, 2011.
12:13 pm Apr. 6, 2011
Each day, the New York tabloids vie to sell readers at the newsstands on outrageous headlines, dramatic photography, and, occasionally, great reporting. Who is today's winner?
The New York Post: It's probably a good sign about a front-page story in the Post when what you and your friends really want to do is best the Post editors on the headline. In fact they best themselves, with display copy that isn't in the hed: In the front-page caption, for example, there's the phrase "Guns and poses;" on the Web there's a caption that reads 'GAT' WALK; I kept thinking THE SPY WHO SHOVED ME and THREAD SCARE, given the image of Anna Chapman, the KGB agent sent back to her native land after she was made in a series of clumsy maneuvers that obsessed the tabloids a little less than a year ago.
Of course the problem with this story—which is about Chapman appearing in a Moscow fashion-week show with Russian pop star Dima Bilan as though she's catwalking him at gunpoint (it's a real gun, the magazine is just missing)—is gettable from a paragraph in the Post's own story: "Modeling is nothing new to the Moscow minx." (In the Post that is a paragraph.)
Yes, because she's appeared on Maxim and is a big tabloid celebrity back home. But this is just a pretty great picture, and religious readers of the tabloids will be glad to keep in touch with Chapman's exploits over the Iron Curtain.
Perhaps one reason the Post went with "Anna is one smoking gun moll" is because they were afraid of stealing thunder from the "news" piece at the bottom of the page, about City Councilman Leroy Comrie of Queens, who at 335 pounds, has made it a personal crusade to remove toys from McDonald's "Happy Meals" if their calorie count is above 500. "ARCH ENEMY!" is the headline, and kudos. I don't dislike the lede of the inside story, about McDonald's serving "burgers and cries."
Daily News: If the McDonald's "Happy Meal" story seems penny-ante, even for a local story, consider the tale of the juror who was told by the judge that she was going to be kept in the courthouse and considered for juries for three days because of racist remarks she wrote into her juror questionnaire. Seriously, it's like that episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon dons a Princess Leah costume and tells the lawyers she doesn't think it's fair to be on a jury because she can read minds. It doesn't work for her, either. This is almost funnier because it really is one of those urban myths. It's not that easy to get yourself disqualified from a jury just by being a complete ass.
It's the bulk of today's wood, set dramatically in knockout white on a black field, a little bit as though Japan had just blown up: "JUROR GETS LIFE!" (I don't even know what that means.) "Angry judge tells racist she'll serve until hell freezes over." (OK, now I get it … sorta. The judge tells her she'll be on duty at least through the end of the week.) Also there's a bit of tension here: Is she being penalized for gaming the system or punished obscurely by a judge for her beliefs about race? The latter would be emotionally satisfying, but not quite constitutional? And would also ruin the main point of this story? We've already spent too much time on this actually.
And I don't want to spend any more time on the News' treatment of the Mets' season opener. Guys: The first game isn't really important. Chris Young is a bit of an angle I suppose: He's new! He did well! Against the Phillies!
But basically I am over the season openers already; give us sports on the cover again when sports makes news, and not before, please.
Observations: I think I've made myself pretty clear already. The one thing I'll address is the Post's decision to go big on Comrie's crusade against McDonald's. Were they so in love with "ARCH ENEMY" that they decided against making the Anna Chapman wood bigger? On the other hand I probably would have made fun of them for that, too.
Winner: The New York Post.
