Tabs get old and weepy: Eldersex, hospital visits, freebies
Today's tabloids, Jan. 13, 2011.
7:27 am Jan. 13, 2011
Each day, the New York tabloids vie to sell readers at the newsstands on outrageous headlines, dramatic photography, and, occasionally, great reporting. Who is today's winner?
The New York Post: Sting, matinee idol to yoga-addicted divorcées the world over, turns 60 this fall. And in his latest round of publicity—a "keeping marriage from being sex-boring" profile and photo-shoot in Harper's Bazaar—he and longtime wife Trudie Styler claim to like getting kinky in the sack. (I haven't thought about sex-marketing to the olds since I flipped through the Vermont Country Store catalog at my mom's house a year ago and saw the "Marital Aids" page. Brrrr!) So of course the pictures are these vapidly styled boudoir photos, one of which implausibly makes its way to the cover of the Post this morning.
The Post has always been aware of the potential for putting stars on their cover by pimping for other magazine's feature editorial. While it's not likely exactly an "arrangement," the Post probably gets the pictures for free so they're unlikely to treat the premise of the underlying article with anything but credulity. And so it is here: "He's still got that Sting," reads the bold caption under a picture of Sting and Styler, he in tightish black jeans and shirtless, she in a lingerie-ish sort of thing, her cheek pressed against his slightly hairy abdomen, his crotch (or "Sting," as the display copy would have it) roughly level with her breasts. It could just be a sympathetic reaction but to me it looks like Sting is sucking in his gut. Anyway, the slightly-too-obvious-to-qualify-as-coy reference to the singer's masculine equipage still being up to its marital tasks is a bit of a dud, isn't it?
But there is the serious business of President Obama's Jesus-like ability to visit people in the hospital and be the one to report that their eyes have opened after a period of comatose slumber to consider today, as well. No, of course, the Post is not the National Enquirer, so no healing rays are said to have come out of Obama's eyes. But they're playing with the idea in this article about Obama's visit to Tucson and the concurrent news that Gabrielle Giffords is getting better.
"GABBY OPENS EYES" is the main hed in knockout-over-black, and there is no picture of Obama, just of Giffords. But Obama is the star of the story, do not doubt it: "Best news yet after Obama's bedside visit" is the dek, "A TIME TO HEAL" is the rubric in a red stripe over the top with knockout type over it. The lead text quotes the president saying she "opened her eyes for the first time" after his visit.
A green stripe across the bottom is keeping the Jets-Patriots storyline going while we wait for their matchup this weekend. Appropriately, most of the play on this goes to the back sports page.
Daily News: While the text of the News cover about Giffords' Obama eye-opener seems to focus more on the president, there's less fun had here with the Healing Powers of the President, somehow. "HOPE AMID TEARS" reads the main hed, in knockout type over black, with a pretty large picture of Michelle Obama holding hands with Giffords' husband, Mark Kelly, at a memorial service for the people killed in the weekend shooting rampage in Arizona, as her husband spoke from the podium. There are bullet points! "In emotional speech, Prez urges nation to heal divisions," reads the first, and "To cheers, says Gabby opens eyes for 1st time since shooting." Somehow, the fact of the announcement seems a little less Obama-centric than the observation that Giffords' improvement followed the president's visit.
Today's effort to squeeze more advance play out of the coming Jets-Patriots game comes in the form of an ad across the top of the page for the cartoon poster inside. Use those multicolored thumbtacks to insecurely secure the flimsy thing into the foam-and-wool surface of your cubicle divider, America!
Observations: Elder-sex, hospital visits, free posters: Have the tabloids decided to embrace their older demographic this morning? Just the same, let's stipulate that the Giffords storyline must needs continue for a little longer—an attempted assassination of a politician combined with a mass shooting is pretty big news. Still, as a story wears on the constant sales pitch gets tougher, as much because we already know we want to read as because we're getting a little tired. So who wins today? "A TIME TO HEAL" is kind of annoying, and seems to promise a less newsy package than "GABBY OPENS EYES." And while I find the Sting thing a little ridiculous, it was after all me who pleaded with the tabloids to give readers another choice beside the Giffords story for getting into the day's paper. I think I was right?
Winner: The New York Post.
